Marriage, cheating and the fun line in between.
Marriage can be hard. Since I was young, any married couple has always jested towards their struggles; the common line being ‘we’re living the dream,’ as they roll their eyes and gaze daggers at their partner. In many cases, people marry and remain in love as they live out their lives together however, the other 50%, ends in divorce. Now I doubt anyone goes into their vows ready to split (in most instances!) so, what should we ask ourselves before the big day? Are there signs of separation that we miss? Most importantly, when do we scream ‘NO’ and split like Carrie Bradshaw
When a marriage fails.
Through looking at Marina’s experience in her first marriage, she was “discontent and restless,” with her husband. Her “indulgent,” moments with Nate had left created resentment for both her husband and the life they had built together. What does one do? While we understand how couples may want to stay and rebuild their relationship, I think most of us would scream leave them! – if a friend asked for advice. It can be inviting to remain comfortable and stable but it is also important to remember how much better life can be when you open yourselves to new opportunities in love. In Marina’s case, “Cupid’s arrow had struck,” and the stranger in a bar became her Aussie addiction. Does this mean we can understand affairs? Perhaps not, but it’s important to be kind to ourselves; to start “opening new doors,” and find fulfilment, a person has to be brave enough to leave behind a loved but lost partnership.
Can you tell when someone’s married?
In seeing how Marina could hide her tumultuous feelings within her relationship, can we ever tell someone is married? The presence of a wedding band should be a strong indicator to most that a person is off bounds, so how can affairs form? Maybe, as readers, we should consider what makes any relationship both clear and valid within our social worlds. For instance, does a person identify as a ‘me’ or a ‘we’ – do they draw their partner into conversations to create a boundary or divert people’s attention away in order to avoid the truth? In saying this, Marina’s first words to her affair partner are “My husband’s name is Nate,” so we watch her create a firm boundary just to tear it down. “Crossroads,” leads its reader to ask not how you can tell someone’s married, but how you know someone desires to stay that way.
Marriage and partnership... are they the same thing?
There’s a power in being married that appears to make people want to stay committed. Marriage Foundation suggests couples that have lived together for 9 years have a 95% chance of remaining together in 10 years if they get married, but only a 42% chance if they don’t. Fundamentally, I think a person’s commitment to another is a driving indicator of whether they will stay together or not. For Marina, her marriage ends quickly and without lingering doubt but with Nate, we watch her struggle and fight for her relationship despite his “narcissism.” Several times within the book, the urge to scream leave! – lingers within a reader, and despite Marina’s continual self-reflection and growth she is left with “a pet, not a partner.” “Crossroads,” holds witness to how the most tenacious of women can fall hostage to a loveless marriage and “cancerous” partnership; yet also proves to readers how relationships are not the defining statistic for a person’s self-worth and growth. Dive in to see how either way, a man can always bring happiness and headaches into any situation!
Once a cheat always a cheat.
“The desire for the wicked,” can be an earth-shattering thing. As individuals, we long for both excitement and fulfilment in whatever shape it comes; from adrenaline junkies to travel enthusiasts, we all try and find our passions outside a 9-5 routine. However, when our passions become other people, “there’s plenty to disagree about.” It’s largely frowned upon for people to cheat because it’s something most people dread when they’re happy in their relationships, but there is always that 5% leeway most of us hold out on. If our friend was married but found their soulmate, would we firmly steer them away? For Marina, she was perhaps too driven to make her relationship work as “some would call it emotional abuse,” but she “would call it commitment.” Maybe when a person has to sacrifice so much for a relationship, they become more lenient to unhealthy behaviours- which is building for failure. However, “Crossroads,” finds two people entranced in “love, loss and losing -their- shit,” as they build from affair partners to committed companions.